It's not a band, it's a person?

So last night I had a reality check.  I decided that I *deserved* to do what I want. Why? Because at times when things get hard I throw a little temper tantrum.  Such is last night.  I mentioned to Peter that McDonalds would taste so good. (Poor man, if he had said, "nah, I'm not feeling it." I would have annihilated him.) So on his way home from working last night  he grabbed a cheeseburger and small fries for me. Me, who will here further be referred to as "Dumbass". Three bites into the cheeseburger and Dumbass had a problem.  STUCK!  Well hello Dumbass, you have not ate bread in months, much less dry, shitty meat, big wonder that it was stuck.  So after 1/2 an hour of spitting up my saliva, because I literally could not swallow it and moaning in pain and walking the floors it finally went down.  So why is this called reality check? Because Dumbass needed one.  Dumbass needed to realize that even though the band is not working properly for her right now, it is still there.  Dumbass needed to feel a little pain and realize that even though things are not going as planned they are still going and she needs to still follow the plan.So while in the next month I may not lose any weight, I am still in the same boat.  The band is there, it's not going anywhere.  I signed up for this, no carbonation (amazingly easy so far), no bread, no steak, no rice, no big bites, no eating too fast.

Other things I was thinking about while trying to fall asleep last night, people in the band world refer to this thing like a person.  "So how are you liking your band?"  "What would you do if you lost your band today?"  "Do you love your band?"  "The band is great isn't it?"  So while yes, in general I like my band, I love my results so far, no I would not want to lose my band, etc. I still think it is just a piece of plastic (medical grade, but plastic).  So in order to cheer the mood I was thinking of asking for naming options for the band.  I mean, yes it is ridiculous, but funny.  People name their cars, can't I name my band?  It needs something that fits it's personality.   Slightly edgy, cutting edge, giving and yet needy at the same time. It must be expensive sounding too.  As it is only a small amount plastic and metal, but very expensive.  Also, no fat girl names like Gertrude or Fanny, this bitch is skinny! So post your name suggestions, come on it will be fun!

Old and creaky.......

That's how I feel, old and creaky.  The pain comes and goes.  I can go from doubled over to just fine in a matter of seconds.  There is no rhyme or reason to it, but sitting still seems to be the least painful way to go.  But for me and my lifestyle sitting still really doesn't work well.  I did go grocery shopping today, I just didn't unload them.  I cleaned up the house, just not the way I usually do.  One thing we are going to do is have a cleaning lady come in weekly through the end of January.  I did put the tree up last night, I just took it slow.  I try not to pick up Sophie very much  or do so from a sitting position.  So, in general I am just taking it as easy as my life allows.  I have already laid down the law about life for the month after surgery.  Momma is not doing anything.  Finn will go to Goddard full-time after PEDD for the month, and Sophie will be with mom. Pete will become re-acquainted with cleaning products and a broom. So other than that I will just need to make myself SIT STILL! Please Lord let there be lots of Real Housewives marathons on Bravo that month!

Now for the why this might have happen theory..... The port is/was attatched to the muscle.  Well, from what I have read, the muscles are even covered in some fat. As I lose weight, I also lose fat around organs and muscle too.  If the port was attached to a rather fatty place, then as the fat melted the port became looser and looser and just undid itself.  As far as why the tubing migrated, I have no idea!?

Other things that are still going on, HAIR LOSS!  Good Lord, this has got to stop soon.  Again, Thank God I had tons of hair before all of this! I will estimate I have lost close to 50% of my hair at this point.  I am taking lots of B complex and Biotin, I also started to use Nioxin.  Hopefully it will stop soon.  I am optimistic it will!

Now for happy stuff.  I have had a blast lately buying new clothes and just enjoying putting on make-up, getting dressed and looking nice.  What a great feeling!  I had totally lost all of that before.  I dreaded getting dressed and hardly wore make-up.  I am down from a size 30 to a 22 and sometimes a 20.  Psychologically it is hard to get myself to buy those sizes.  I am still trying to take 28's into the dressing room!  I got fitted for a bra the other day and I should wear a 40C, my stupid tail still bought a 42C.;  Baby steps, baby steps.

Well, well, well

First let me start by saying this, AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My port is completely flipped and detached from the muscle!  Also, I have been dealing with a horrific pain in my side, this pain feels like a bad cramp after running, times 10.  The Dr. looked on the image and saw that my tubing has migrated over to the area where I am feeling the pain.  Which is directly to the left of my port and over about 2 inches.  He thinks the tubing has done one or all of three things, 1) attached to the muscle, 2) attached to my pancreas or 3) is lodged between the muscle.  The only way to find out is exploratory surgery.  So instead of just a quick in and out port fix under twilight anesthesia, I now have to go through another laprascopic surgery with full anesthesia on Dec 30th. The findings will tell us how long I am in the hospital for.  So needless to say I am pissed, upset and completely dumbfounded! I am also upset that I will be in pain until the 30th.  Needless to say this New Years will blow!~  Well off to cancel our sitter!

Which one do you want first? The good or the bad?

Let's start with the good.  Yesterday at the Doctor I weighed 252, tada I have lost 60 lbs!

Now for the bad.....I went for a fill yesterday as I badly needed one.  I knew the minute Erin stuck the needle in there was a problem.  She had the needle in my skin and kept "fishing" around with it.  Highly unusual, highly painful!  I could feel what I can only describe as the needle scratching against plastic, a truly weird sensation.  After a couple of minutes of me doing sit ups, relaxing, sits up again, Erin removed the needle and said she did not get it.  So we tried doing it with me standing up.  That involved another nurse in the room with smelling salts at the stand by.  Very painful again, lots of scratching and searching and again nothing.  So she removed the needle and tried again.  Again very painful, with lots of pushing this time.  Nothing!  At this point I am getting worried because Erin is a PRO! She is known for her fillin' abilities and lack of a miss-fire!  So she leaves the room and comes back with Dr. Schroder the other surgeon in the practice, he tries, NOTHING! He asks for a smaller needle and promises this one will not hurt as bad.  It did not with the initial piercing, but then he decided I have tons of scar tissue he need to push through.  Holy mother of God! Then I can feel the needle scratching plastic again.  He tries one more time with a new "realize" set-up. Same results as all the others.  He looks at me and asks "Has anything happened to your port"?  ummmm no!  He hypothesizes that one of three things has happened: 1) I have tons of scar tissue and he can not get through it 2) the port tilted 3) the port flipped over and the back of the port is presenting to the needle.

Let's discuss this .  I chose the Allergan - Lap Band  band due to its port.  It was reported to be easier to fill, higher profile and less chance of movement  and flipping!  He said if it flipped I will be his first patient ever. That usually after 6 weeks it is in place and good. So I go back Friday to go under Floroscope with the Dr. Schroder and see whats going on.  I am praying for scar tissue or tilted port.  Those we can work with, flipped port means ANOTHER surgery!

This is a picture of the Lap-Band, the port is circular thing at the end of the tubing right above this sentence.  The dark grey piece is where the needle needs to puncture.  Usually when that happens I can feel a "pop".

Once the Dr. left the room, I asked Erin if I would have felt the port flip, she said not necessarily. I told her I get really really bad craps on that side (I have one now) and they go on for hours. She said some patients do.

Guys I am really worried.  I do not want to go through surgery again, this one *I* think would be worse too, because they have to cut this thing out of the muscle and reattach it. Plus Peter and I have been hammered with bills lately and depending if the surgery happens before Jan 1 or not, it will cost us anywhere between $2800 and $5000.  Arrghhh, I know I am worrying before knowing, but if you know me, that's me. So any prayers, good thought, positive vibes, etc would be greatly appreciated!