It was 104 steamy disgusting degrees today. Not fit for man nor beast. The gates of Hades literally opened up and swallowed the whole East Coast. I hate summer. Well hate is strong, so I strongly dislike summer. Unless you were near a large body of water today then life kinda probably sucked! Enter stage left, our air conditioner. The wonderful device that makes summer in the South livable. Our often, by our maintenance man, referred to as the worst type you can own and in a few words a piece of shit AC unit. The little engine that just keeps on chugging, the unit that not two weeks ago got a clean bill of health. Well that AC unit as Finn and Pete would put it, is hosed. As I sit here and type this it is 86 degrees in my house at two minutes passed midnight. I am literally using a baby washcloth to swab the sweat off my brow. I tell you all of this so that I can explain the sushi. I love sushi, I love sushi the best that comes from Kona Grill. Tonight after the AC debacle I still had not eaten dinner and I was starving, hot, emotional and done dealing with home problems (in the last month our kitchen has been destroyed and our washing machine has died). I had been thinking of sushi all day, so much so that I googled the nutrition stats of sushi and decided that it really is not bad for you. I even went so far as to justify in my head that since after Thursday I will no longer be able to eat rice, I should be able to eat sushi just one more time. So I did it, I asked the one person in my life who pretty much never tells me no, to get me sushi. And he did (Peter needs a class for enablers). I asked Peter to go to Kona Grill and get me sushi and I ate every last bite! Not a huge amount, much smaller than my previous meals before my unfortunate incarceration into former fatdom. But none the less an item I should not be eating. So here I sit sweating my ass off and holding true to honesty telling my computer and anyone whom cares to read my mistake. I once again used food to sooth an uncomfortable situation. I took control of a situation I had no control over, by controlling what went in my mouth. Next time I should take control by not putting a damn thing in my mouth. Enough Dr. Phil, you get the point. I screwed up, I know I screwed up. So if there was one thing I learned from watching all those G.I. Joe cartoons with my brother, it was "Now you know, and knowing is half the battle". I can now go read my book and go to bed, conscience clear and ready to start a new day.
* Note to self, "Eat, Pray, Love" is a bad choice of books to read when you are getting ready to have WLS.
With a day like you had yesterday, you could have done much worse. You could have had a cigarette in one hand and alcoholic drink in the other. When was the last time you really wanted something to eat and you researched its nutritional value, etc? You didn't eat this without thought. You're human and by God we ALL make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up. It's too hot for that:) Today is a new day. Hopefully your air will be fixed and you move on. Tish
ReplyDeleteEat, Pray, Love is just a bad reading choice in general. ;) Did they discuss with you other ways to self soothe? Everyone needs a way to do that, and up 'till now food and probably smoking has been your way to do that, both of which will be over after the surgery. Do you have any hobbies?
ReplyDeleteKeep on pluggin', Liz. You are doing a great job. Even the best of us slip up on occasion. Try not to be so hard on yourself. In this heat, i think most bets are off.
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